I am the faculty adviser for the campus Writer's Club. My very ambitious students have recently begun publishing a c.w. 'zine called The Quill (you can find the recent issue by scrolling down to the Writer's Club entry here). I have been enlisted to write an advice column that we named "Ask Dr. A." I just finished the most recent column and I am quite proud of my little piece. I though I would share. (The question was actually written by a student.)
Dear Dr. A,
I have a dilemma. I love myself, but I caught myself cheating on myself with me. I don’t know if I should forgive myself and take myself back or if I should let myself go. What should I do?
Selfless in Seattle
Dear Selfless,
Inscribed in the courtyard of the temple of Apollo is the aphorism “Know Yourself.” You , my dear friend, may have the distinct honor of knowing yourself too well. Woody Allen, himself a champion of narcissism, once wrote that masturbation is the only guarantee of sex with someone you love. Funny, yes, I agree. Nonetheless, you must move beyond the love-of-self or you will end up just like Woody Allen: really old, creepy, and married to your adopted daughter.
This brings me to the next topic which is that too much love of self leads to slightly incestuous tendencies. Freud addresses this very issue of the connections between narcissism and incest in Totem and Taboo and Narcissism. To completely butcher the ideas and work of this great thinker: it is my guess that all of your problems can be explained by your inability to detach from your mother. Do some deep soul searching and see if there isn’t a little truth to this idea.
Considering the tangle of family and self-identity issues implied in your conundrum, I would suggest that you take some time for celibacy. You might want to remove yourself to a monastery for a period of time; there are some jam-making monks in the UP looking for new membership. Or, you may just take to the woods for a period of solitude (again, I might recommend the UP as an ideal destination). Whatever your selected retreat, I encourage you to come to some closure with yourself, and then get away from it all.
This is to say that it is definitely time for you to let yourself go. But be gentle. Maybe you could take yourself out to dinner and give yourself flowers. Write a letter explaining that your love of self is unyielding, but you must move on to a healthier relationship. Don’t mention any other lovers just yet. Simply explain that you feel it is time to move on. Be honest and firm. You will thank yourself later.
Advisedly yours,
Dr. A
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