- Why do my students use such ridiculous email addresses (e.g. sexymamma69@...)? Do they not feel slightly embarrassed when sending serious inquiries from this address?
- Why does our "drought resistant" hanging plant require twice-daily watering? (Or else it droops and whithers.)
- Why are my dog's farts so damned stinky?
- Why are there so many bars in Wisconsin? And, simultaneously, why are there no helmet laws?
- When are "rat's tails" going to come back into fashion? When should I get one?
- Lawn. WHY? And, why is everyone so anti weeds? Half of our weeds have bloomed into lovely flowers!
- Why is rye bread always served with Fish Fry?
- Can cell phones really pop popcorn?
- Why were the breakfast sausages we bought at the IGA not in the freezer section when the box clearly read "keep frozen"? Will I know if our "all natural," nitrate free pork product is rancid?
- What should I do with my diploma? Are there options other than present pompously in office or store in box in closet?
- When is Rick Astley going on tour?
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Dispatches from the remote corners of my mind
Dear Abby/god/ or other knowing entity:
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2 comments:
Ok, I'll take a stab at answering a few of those. Lawn is great for playing on with big or little kids. Weeds are plants you don't want where they are, so if your weeds bloomed into lovely flowers that you want, then they're lovely flowers, not weeds.
You could put your diploma in a scrapbook, perhaps.
I'd never noticed the rye bread/fish fry connection, but I don't remember the last time I had fish fry.
And lastly, thank you for opening up my world of experience to include cell phones popping popcorn. I"d had no idea how sheltered I really was.
Dear Dr. Prof. Reddinger:
I am a sexy mama who was born in 1969. Why would you take offense at my email, which is simply a reflection of my hotness? Correct me if I'm wrong, but does the Constitution not protect my rights to truth in advertising, especially with regards to Facebook, Gay.com personal ads, and nutritional data analyses on Pirate's Booty (tm) bags?
Sincerely,
Maybelline G. Prescott
Sexy 38 yo mother
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