Dispatches from the remote corners of my mind

Dear Abby/god/ or other knowing entity:

• Why do my students use such ridiculous email addresses (e.g. sexymamma69@...)? Do they not feel slightly embarrassed when sending serious inquiries from this address?
• Why does our "drought resistant" hanging plant require twice-daily watering? (Or else it droops and whithers.)
• Why are my dog's farts so damned stinky?
• Why are there so many bars in Wisconsin? And, simultaneously, why are there no helmet laws?
• When are "rat's tails" going to come back into fashion? When should I get one?
• Lawn. WHY? And, why is everyone so anti weeds? Half of our weeds have bloomed into lovely flowers!
  
• Why is rye bread always served with Fish Fry?
• Can cell phones really pop popcorn?
  
• Why were the breakfast sausages we bought at the IGA not in the freezer section when the box clearly read "keep frozen"? Will I know if our "all natural," nitrate free pork product is rancid?
• What should I do with my diploma? Are there options other than present pompously in office or store in box in closet?
• When is Rick Astley going on tour?
  

Hard Worker

Accomplished today:

Scrubbed the kitchen floor
Scrubbed the rust stains off of the shower curtain
Built four more boxes to frame garden beds
Made lunch: eggplant, avocado, cucumber sandwiches
with fresh lettuce from the garden
Prepared a new bed for planting in the front yard
Hauled three wheel barrow's full of dirt from the woods to the front
Hung several loads of laundry
Took a load of garbage and recycling to the dump
Drank beer with friends who dropped by
Cleared and cleaned the 3-season room
Watched a bird take its very first flight
Knit a sock (well, just part of it)
Folded laundry


My friend Natalie's reply is too good not to post...

Accomplished today:

Bought an overpriced head of lettuce from the deli.
Stepped in chewing gum on the way home from the post office.
Stared at the orchid which is no longer an orchid, but rather, a stick in a pot with two leaves on it.
Ate two donuts in record-breaking time.
Stubbed my toe while taking out the trash.
Wrote about drag queens.
Made a glass of instant diet iced tea.
Read Keepin' It Rural instead of opening the electric bill.