Thirty-Five Years

Today is my 35th birthday. A few weeks ago, if you had asked me, I would had said I was not looking forward to it. I don't feel that way any more. This birthday is still bittersweet, but I know that all coming birthdays will be met with the enthusiasm of a woman who has accomplished something.

I now shake my head in disbelief when anyone seems to be ashamed of their age. This seems to be a particular habit among women, and I was reminded of this the other day when watching Mary Tyler Moore. In this episode Phyllis, Mary's dramatic downstairs neighbor, announced that she and Mary will enact some female bonding by "revealing our true age!"Mary rolls her eyes and says "I'm 34" with utter lack of interest, but Phyllis hems and haws and eventually utters in a quietly dramatic voice "I am 43 years old."

Forgive me if I no longer have patience for someone who is ashamed of how long they have lived!

In order to commemorate this day, I have been working on a small list of things I have learned this year:

1. My arms are double jointed
2. Our garden can be abundant and successful (even in a bad year!)
3. Ground cherries make wonderful jams and pies
4. I miss Seattle, but I am starting to think of Marinette as home
5. My dog is even more neurotic than I originally believed
6. I am a good teacher
7. I can knit more than just hats and scarves (hello Soctopus!)
8. Pine trees look larger in the woods than in the living room
9. Midwesterners are kind, in general
10. I am stronger than I ever imagined

bday bruhaha

slightly tipsy at 1:11 am on my birthday. We just came in from seeing a local band in which one of my students is the bassist. Not only was I serenaded with a Beatles' cover birthday song, but we also got our friend/my colleague David to do a couple of songs with the band. and all the while it snowed outside.

me at 33:

Friends of Dorothy

Several months ago my mother and grandmother kinda accidentally ended up at a gay pride event in Rehoboth Beach. My mom and I both -- and in different ways -- thought the story was very funny. My favorite part was when she described coming across a booth with t-shirts, some of which read "Friends of Dorothy." My mom then turned to her mother, Dorothy, and asked "so, what do you think THAT means?"

In a ridiculous train of thought that only the attention deficient could appreciate, this story came back to me as I thought about the past three weeks of visiting family and friends. After 25 days away, we finally returned to casa lesbinger (still looking for a good home/farm/estate name!) yesterday afternoon.

While away, Rhonda and I got to spend lots of time with our families -- together and apart -- and I finally got to meet and spend time with her niece and nephew. This was no small thing: it has been a number of years since Rhonda came out to her family and, until this Christmas, I had only met her sister and family once. Distance (us in Seattle and them in Virginia), adjustments (they being quite Christian) and timing meant that I had never spent time with the whole family before. It was a really big deal (to me and for Rhonda as well) that I was welcomed and included in their family Christmas celebrations. I finally got to play and talk with those kids whose photos have been gracing our refrigerator for years.

One night when we all went out to dinner together, I had this strange moment of feeling a part of Rhonda's family. There was also realization of the multiple ways in which the "family" sitting around the table was quite amazing. Rhonda's family is white, and her brother-in-law is Chinese-American, and the kids are bi-racial (duh!). As we sat around the table in our queer, multi-racial formation, it struck me that this family assembled here was very different from what Rhonda's parents could have imagined for their future when they were the parents of two young girls. And yet, there we were. together. connected to each other.

This all comes back around for me with the idea of Dorothy -- as in Wizard of Oz -- as a gay icon because she is the de facto queen of a group of rag-tag characters ( who feel out of place because of a lack of courage, heart, and brains). Dorothy is the glue that creates "family" in unlikely circumstances; she is the one who extends the boundaries of norms and acceptance.

I appreciate all of the various formations of my queer (literally and figuratively, of course) families and the ways in which the lives of those around me make me feel at home.

holidays

Today was Christmas number four (or was it five?) with Rhonda's family in Virginia. Emily and Jason are incredible kids, and the family as a whole have been very kind and welcoming. This morning as we opened presents, Jason (who is four) was very concerned and asked "do we have presents to give to Amy too?" Right now we are playing "Littlest Pet Shop" and getting ready for a big meal.

Vay-kay

We are headed to the East Coast for several weeks. Going to see family and friends from Virginia to New York and many places in between. I will try to post when access allows.

santa bling

Welcome Winter Snack Tree of Peace

As mentioned and documented in my last posting, we cut down a tree in our woods the other day. We brought it inside and it warmed and filled our still-bare walls in our partly-unfurnished living room. The strangeness of the tradition in which we go out into wintertime and kill a tree and bring it into the house as a way of celebrating renewal and winter make me think a lot about David Sedaris' story "Six to Eight Black Men" in which he laments the bizareness of Dutch holiday traditions. (By the way, this is so funny and worth listening to that I spent the better part of an hour tracking it down online. There are some bizarre versions on You Tube, but you might be better downloading this episode of "This American Life" to avoid odd video montages.)

Anyway, embracing the strangeness of cutting down a tree and bringing it into your home, we decided that the tree should be a "Welcome Winter" tree, since that seemed to be the real purpose of dragging this pine tree through our house and giving it a month of post-mortem bliss. Besides, we were slightly embarrassed about having to admit to putting up a Christmas Tree on November 17th.

So it was known as the Welcome Winter Tree for almost a whole day. But then we decided to decorate. The branches of the tree are spare and supple, and we decided that popcorn icicles would be the best way to go. We set about adorning our tree with freshly-popped popcorn strung onto 12-inch piece of thread. The effect was very pretty and simple; it is an old fashioned looking tree. However, it was within minutes that we realized our oversight: Buddy loves popcorn and could in no way resist the temptation of a whole tree laden with swaying strings of dangling popcorn. We watched in amazement as the dog circled the tree, sniffing heartily, while occasionally standing on his hind legs and trying to steal a snack. We soon realized that we had created a very wonderful, phenomenal thing in the life of our dog: a Welcome Winter Snack Tree.

Our friends the Gieblers came by a few nights later and were amused and delighted by our story of the evolving tree name. David informed us that we had a White Pine and after they left we looked up White Pines in our naturalist guide. I read out loud to Rhonda about the history of the White Pine, and its history in the logging and lumber industry in the North Woods. The book then went on to explain the importance of White Pine in the Iroquois Nation, explaining that the Iroquoi refer to it as the Tree of Peace. I looked at Rhonda and said, you know what this means don't you? " She smiled and said, "yeah, we now have a Welcome Winter Snack Tree of Peace."

feliz cumpleaños, querida

33 years ago Rhonda Lee Mellinger was born into this world.

We have spent seven birthdays together in a wide range of settings. The first birthday we spent together we were brand new to this relationship (1 month in), and I took her to the Oregon coast for the day. We celebrated both of our 30th b.days by going to Costa Rica. Two years ago we were in Port Townsend drinking champagne (where Rhonda claims to have gotten drunk for the first time ever -- see photos above). This year we are headed to Green Bay to eat Sushi and to find the dyke bar (yes, there is one). And then, after that, we're going grocery shopping!

I am amazed and honored to spend a seventh birthday tucked away in our little house in the North Woods. What an adventure it has been!