Dear bitch...

This is how one Canadian journalist recently began his "Open Letter to Mother Nature" in which he explains the effect that this winter has had on his northern compatriots. Most of the funny stuff is in the beginning, but after experiencing non-stop snow for the past three days, I am feeling inclined to help circulate the rant.

a ski before breakfast

The snow is still here. Lots of it. Despite many well-wished from friends (Jennifer, thanks for the encouragements of spring & the book!) we are still surrounded by at least one and a half feet of snow all around.

This is definitely the longest winter I have ever experienced. However, there is an upside: because of the daytime melting and nighttime re-freezing, the snow is really hard and quite good for cross country skiing. I bought skis in February (thanks to mom and grandma's b.day contributions) and I have been skiing quite a bit. The best part is that I can ski right out of our back door and off into the woods. The struggle is creating a trail, but when the snow is packed hard as it is now, I can ski anywhere with no problem. I went skiing yesterday afternoon, and it was hilarious. I took Buddy along for the romp, but had to hold on to him until we got into the woods. He would pull me for a while until one of the skis would poke him in the butt and then he would shoot ahead, pulling me off balance. We took several tumbles which meant me landing in a heap on the ground followed by Buddy running over to me and climbing onto my crumpled body so as to appropriately lick my face in consolation.

This morning I went for a wake-up ski. Alone. It was beautiful in the woods at 7:15. All I could hear were the birds and the shh-shh-ing of my skis over the icy terrain.

F#!@ing Ice Dam

I haven't talked enough about the weather. Sure, I've posted my occasional complaints about the temperature and once in a while I mention the large amounts of snow. But, I haven't talked about the bigger picture. This winter has broken all kinds of records for snow accumulation. We have had about 80 inches since December and a lot of it is still sitting on the ground. Long-time residents who know we are new to the area continually feel the need to explain: "this is a really unusual winter. I don't remember having snow like this in at least 30 years."

The image above is from mid-January, and we have had at least 30 inches on top of what you see here. Rhonda has been diligently shoveling the driveway after every single storm; I help when I can. The important fact, however, is that the snow does not melt. I have never before lived in a place where snow sticks around for months. It causes craziness in the spring...

Well, now it is March. Some say March is the snowiest month of all in Wisconsin as the weather "warms" up to more snowable temps. What we did not realize is that it is also the month of CRAZY weather. Not just snow. No. That would be too simple.

Yesterday was warm (37!) and during the day things began to melt. However, last night we had a thunder storm with torrential rains. The first rain anyone has seen in months. But the problem is that the roof of the house is still frozen solid, and there is at least 2 feet of snow everywhere. So shazaam! at 8pm we suddenly had multiple streams of water pouring onto my desk. The last two hours of consciousness yesterday were spent with Rhonda and I running like chickens around the house, collecting towels, mopping up puddles of water, trying to dam the leaks, and shop-vaccing up the enormous puddles that formed in the basement.

But the craziest part of it all is that, by 5am, the rain turned to ice and and snow. And now it looks like the most placid winter wonderland outside. No indication of the insanity wreaked eight hours ago.

Going Native

Today we went to the ice races. It is rather hard to explain -- involves a couple hundred people, junker race cars, beer, snowmobiles, ice fishing shacks and a lot of testosterone all coming together on the frozen surface of Lake Michigan's Green Bay.

This video of our good friend Cyndee (who graciously invited us to join her on the ice and fed us Booyah) explains all. It also should be pointed out that Cyndee's outfit not only includes her hot-pink down coat and David's deer-hunting hat but also leopard print gloves and boots (not seen here).

Grumpy Smurf has an Ice Dam

One of my favorite books from kidhood is Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. On the first page, Alexander explains:

I went to bed with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The book proceeds accordingly with Alexander recalling all of his woes and intermittently threatening to move to Australia.

So far, today has been kinda like that. It is only 2pm, so I am wary of making any grand claims that the Universe could take as a challenge to up the ante and make things worse. Lots worse.

I wasn't in a bad mood when I woke up. But Rhonda was. It started innocently enough: I made a joke that she didn't think was funny; I was more awake than she was; I was banished to the downstairs where I began to clean up a helluva mess left over from yesterday's cookie-baking session. Once R emerged from the upstairs, it was clear that the clouds were not lifting. I tried to offer solutions, but kept making things worse. So, after a few failed attempts at enjoying the morning, we both decided it would be best to just get to work. Clean up the house, get ready for the week, finalize some class plans.

Once I got to my desk, I began settling in to a day of work mixed with an appropriate amount of digital entertainment interspersed. Okay, I thought. This isn't so bad. I can hang out in my office, work on some stuff, watch some stuff, so and and so forth. About two minutes into this reverie I started to hear a noise. A soft but persistent "plop" every five or ten seconds. I looked up. Saw nothing. I listened. Heard it again. I looked up and left, and I stood up, reaching over to the corner of my desk when I began to holler "OH SHIT! The roof is leaking onto my desk. RHONDA COME QUICK! The roof is leaking. We have an ICE DAM! ICE DAM! ICE DAM!"

The next few minutes were pure motion with some cursing thrown in for fun. We had to quickly move all of my computer equipment, books, papers to dry ground. There was much running around and - at the high point - Buddy responded to our fervor with some barking.

Fast forward four hours. I am now sitting four feet to the left of my desk at a small makeshift table-desk. The dripping continues as we await the arrival of our gallant friend/superhero David who actually owns a ladder long enough to reach our roof. In the meantime, we spent some time walking from neighbor to neighbor inquiring about 25 foot ladders. "Good morning. I know it is the Sabbath, and we are your new lesbian neighbors, but do you have a ladder we could borrow?" Sadly we are the tallest house on the street and no one else seems to need a ginourmous ladder with which they can climb up to the icy rooftoop and begin to melt away the ice that, when thick enough, prevents melting snow from running off of the roof and, instead, encourages it to seep into the roof, through the attic, and right onto my laser printer.

Hallelujah! We're moving to Australia!

Best of East Coast Retrospective

Decided to condense this entry of photos from our winter break on the East Coast
(no offense to any of the removed subjects!)



shadows of 30th street
philadelphia, pa



Gaby in the bakery (old ladies ooh and
aah over a baby)
ny, ny



a sunny, sunny day
newport news, va



gabriel - learning about my peoples
philly

Frigid

It was minus 11 degrees when we woke up this morning. Right now it is minus two. Some questions that come to mind:

• The weather forecast online designated today and tomorrow as "frigid." Is there a corresponding numeric index that defines frigid?
  

• Even though the house is always the same temperature (63 during the day, 65 in the evening, 55 at night) it feels colder in the house today. Is it just psychological?

• At what point do outdoor temperatures becomes so dangerous that everyone should stay inside? Will someone make an announcement when this happens?

• What are all the birds and deer and other animals doing right now? Do we need to let them sleep in the basement like we did with our outside dog on cold nights when I was a kid?

• Everyone is talking about the big game tomorrow... I am not so much worried about the players (who will be running around, watched by trainers, etc.) but what about the 40 thousand people in the stands who will be sitting and standing in one place for the entire game?

• Is it possible for my dog's pee to freeze upon contact with cold air, thus creating pee-sicles?

virginia is for wisconsinites

The high today was 58. It is sunny and lovely; Rhonda, her nephew, and brother-in-law are playing football in the backyard as I sit in a sunny spot by a window. I write this for my future (returned-to-wisconsin) self. May I remember this feeling when we hit that inevitable week in January when the temperature does not reach zero.

Vay-kay

We are headed to the East Coast for several weeks. Going to see family and friends from Virginia to New York and many places in between. I will try to post when access allows.

santa bling

0º

Z-E-R-O.

This was the temperature when I went to school this morning at 7:30am.

I drove instead of walking.

Does this make me a bad person? (It is only 1/2 mile.)

More snow predicted for tonight.

They are saying this is abnormally cold even for Northern Wisconsin.

10 minutes ago...

...& 20 minutes ago...

Welcome Winter Snack Tree of Peace

As mentioned and documented in my last posting, we cut down a tree in our woods the other day. We brought it inside and it warmed and filled our still-bare walls in our partly-unfurnished living room. The strangeness of the tradition in which we go out into wintertime and kill a tree and bring it into the house as a way of celebrating renewal and winter make me think a lot about David Sedaris' story "Six to Eight Black Men" in which he laments the bizareness of Dutch holiday traditions. (By the way, this is so funny and worth listening to that I spent the better part of an hour tracking it down online. There are some bizarre versions on You Tube, but you might be better downloading this episode of "This American Life" to avoid odd video montages.)

Anyway, embracing the strangeness of cutting down a tree and bringing it into your home, we decided that the tree should be a "Welcome Winter" tree, since that seemed to be the real purpose of dragging this pine tree through our house and giving it a month of post-mortem bliss. Besides, we were slightly embarrassed about having to admit to putting up a Christmas Tree on November 17th.

So it was known as the Welcome Winter Tree for almost a whole day. But then we decided to decorate. The branches of the tree are spare and supple, and we decided that popcorn icicles would be the best way to go. We set about adorning our tree with freshly-popped popcorn strung onto 12-inch piece of thread. The effect was very pretty and simple; it is an old fashioned looking tree. However, it was within minutes that we realized our oversight: Buddy loves popcorn and could in no way resist the temptation of a whole tree laden with swaying strings of dangling popcorn. We watched in amazement as the dog circled the tree, sniffing heartily, while occasionally standing on his hind legs and trying to steal a snack. We soon realized that we had created a very wonderful, phenomenal thing in the life of our dog: a Welcome Winter Snack Tree.

Our friends the Gieblers came by a few nights later and were amused and delighted by our story of the evolving tree name. David informed us that we had a White Pine and after they left we looked up White Pines in our naturalist guide. I read out loud to Rhonda about the history of the White Pine, and its history in the logging and lumber industry in the North Woods. The book then went on to explain the importance of White Pine in the Iroquois Nation, explaining that the Iroquoi refer to it as the Tree of Peace. I looked at Rhonda and said, you know what this means don't you? " She smiled and said, "yeah, we now have a Welcome Winter Snack Tree of Peace."

snow

it started snowing about an hour ago -- first snow of the year. We went outside with the dog and looked up into the sky to watch the tiny flakes descend.
it was beautiful.